Some People's Kids

I am amazed by what some parents allow their children to do. Living by a kid like Phillip clearly blows my perception of parenting out of the water, but I've always told myself that people like Phillip's parents are exceptions to the parenting rule . . . . or are they?

By no means am I going to sit here and say that my children are perfect - heck no! Believe me, I have been embarrassed on more than one occasion . . . thank you very much. I only hope that I am at least teaching my children along the way the difference between the right and wrong ways to do things.

You already know Phillip's creepy family lives on one side of us. On the other side is a nice young couple with two little kids . . . they seem very down-to-earth and Sara (their daughter) plays here often. Directly behind our house is an older couple that have the occasional grandchild over. One evening about one year ago the kids and I were outside and I noticed they were outside as well with a small boy around Bella's age. He was fascinated with our swing set, so naturally I invited him over to play with us. The children played while I chatted with the little boys mother and was introduced to his grandmother (our neighbor). When it was time to go in I think I mumbled something like "oh, come over anytime" . . . . which apparently they took to mean literally . . . as in even if we are not home or not outside . . . ummm . . . me and my big mouth.

So Memorial Day (the day Bella got the side of her faced kicked in) it was evening and the kids were bathed and settling down for bedtime. Phillip came to our front door and told us that there were some children playing on our swing set. HUH? That was weird - I thought . . . so I went to the window and sure enough . . . three little kids on our swing set . . . not a parent in sight. I looked a little closer and I could clearly make out that one of the three kids was our neighbor's grandson . . . running around like he owned the place.

Ok . . . so I wasn't real keen on the idea of these little kids playing unsupervised on this swing set especially after the weekend I spent with Bella. BUT - not wanting to ruffle any feathers I left it alone. About 15 minutes later . . . Phillip again tells us that now there were a whole crap load of kids on our swing set (ok - so he didn't say crap load, but you get my drift). I looked out the window and the three kids had multiplied into about eight kids . . . some of which were not so little. In fact one girl in particular was, in my opinion, too big to be playing on this swing set . . .

Now I was mad. Seriously???? What kind of parent allows their child to play on someone else's swing set and not even have 1. the decency to ask first and 2. the common sense to at least supervise those kids!!! When I said "come over anytime" I meant like when we were outside playing too . . . not whenever you had company over and needed to entertain some strangers' children! And the real kicker . . . . . . this was not the first time they had done this!!! One time last summer the kids and I were eating supper and I turned around to see literally 15 kids swarmed on our swing set . . . all from the house behind us.

I could feel the smoke start to come out of my ears . . . so I said enough was enough . . . . . and I sent Brian out to yell at them as I watched from the window! HA! I could see the older kids scatter as Brian rounded the side of the house toward them - it was obvious they knew they were playing on someone else's property. It took awhile to convince the littlest kids to leave the fun playground . . . since Brian was certain they hadn't understood a word he'd said . . . but they did. All the while not a parent in sight.

I have to say, it felt good to stick up for ourselves for once. I only hope that one of the older kids went inside and told their parents what happened . . . not that they'd care.

You Hit The Nail On The Head . . . Or Foot . . .

My poor Bella. She had a rough weekend. I'm seriously considering banning her from the swing set because my heart can't take anymore boo-boo's.

On Sunday we thought she broke her nose. She was screaming on the swing set and when I went to get her I thought she had fallen and cut her lip on her tooth because the inside of her lip was a little red. I thought it was odd because she was just hysterical, so I started looking for a loose tooth or something . . . then I noticed that there was some blood around her nostril . . . well when I looked closely at her nose I realized she must've fallen flat on her face because her poor little nose was all swollen and red. I took her in the house and her nose proceeded to bleed and she winced every time I touched it.

Because I am overly paranoid and I've never dealt with a potentially broken nose I took her to urgent care. Well, needless to say I felt like an idiot because we got there and she was miraculously laughing and talking to every worker in the hospital . . . even picking and itching her nose. It was pretty obvious that her nose was not broken, and thankfully the doctor that saw us was very nice and didn't make me feel like I wasted his time . . . which frankly I did.

Then yesterday . . . the kids were playing on the swing set again and once again I hear Bella screaming. Kadin is leading her around the house toward me and I immediately notice the side of her head is a darker shade than the rest of her face. I assumed she fell and had dirt on her face . . . . but oh no. It was a giant purple goose egg. It was horrible!!!! The look of it seriously stopped me dead in my tracks and for a moment I was frozen . . . I scooped her up and looked at the side of her head . . . it was swollen, purple and bleeding. Apparently Christina, the neighbor girl, was swinging on the swing and Bella walked in front of her. Yup . . . size 1 sneaker right to the side of her head.

I lost it. I started to cry and was mumbling to Brian about how we had to take her to the emergency room . . . and something about a concussion. I was almost as hysterical as Bella was . . . it was quite pathetic. So, I held an ice pack to her head and the swelling finally went down, but boy did it leave a mark.

My poor, poor little girl . . .

Strawberries Will Never Taste The Same

I'm convinced my children have secretly devised a plan to see how much stalling Mom will actually tolerate before going to bed. I know it's hard when they are babies . . . oh how I remember rocking Kadin until he was sound asleep then the minute his little head hit the crib sheet - WAHHH!!! Then you start all over again. There were some nights I would be in there for over an hour doing that routine.

But now . . . . oh boy . . . now not only are there two of them, but they can talk too. Yup, they can talk and come up with the master plan to delay bedtime as much as possible. Don't worry though . . . I'm on to them . . . I just need to figure out how to wear them down.

So, tonight they put their master plan into action. Kadin was unusually grumpy and winy . . . I'm sure because he was over-tired since today was a school day. Although he would never admit to being tired . . . he's never tired if you ask him. So Kadin starts doing his part and begins to throw a mini-fit about not being able to do a somersault. Now, here's where I'm a bit smarter than those two little schemers . . . I know this little game all to well. Kadin refuses to continue with our bedtime ritual because he cannot do a somersault. Gasp!! I know, I think I would throw a fit if I couldn't do a somersault either . . . . oh wait . . . I can't anymore. Pardon me while I throw my fit . . . .


Ok - much better. So there you have Delay Tactic #1 - Throw a fit about something I know I can do (and Mom knows I can do) and refuse to continue with anything until I can somehow manage to complete this "impossible" task.

Now Miss Bella took the spotlight. You see . . . she's been taking good notes in her three short years of life and let me tell you she's learned from the master. So she waited until it was time to read our books to pull out her big guns. The kids each picked out two books . . . seems fair right? Well apparently my fatal error was assuming that I could start with Kadin's book first - I mean what was I thinking??!!! So she proceeded to pout during his book and then the true genius of her plan emerged . . . when it was time for her book - she asked six-thousand questions about each page. It was clearly a veteran move for such a rookie - Kadin had to be proud.

Delay Tactic #2 - Ask as many questions as possible about each page in my book. Even go so far as to talk over Mom when she's trying to read so she has to keep stopping.

By this time I kept looking at the clock and thought about all the stuff I still had to do around the house . . . the kitchen was still a mess from dinner, the plants needed to be watered outside . . . and bedtime seemed to loom somewhere in the way distant future.

I had finally gotten through the books and I even got Kadin tucked in bed. Phew, I had one more kid to go and I was home free. Bella is by far the harder child to put to bed. She is in that age where she has ritual things we have to do before she will go to sleep. For her it is getting a final drink, putting on her chap stick and then I have to sing three songs to her (in this order) Silent Night, Rock-a-Bye Baby, and You Are My Sunshine. Then we say her prayer and we are done. Usually . . .

Delay Tactic #3 - Forget how to use my chap stick even though I use it every single night.

Oooh . . . Bella was on tonight. I was beginning to think that perhaps she had overtaken Kadin in the originality field, but I wasn't disappointed when Kadin pulled out one last show . . .

As I was singing to Bella I heard Kadin calling for me. Big shocker, I know . . . so he told me that when I was done singing he wanted me to come in his room . . .

Delay Tactic #4 - Totally make up something "cool" that I can do that Mom just has to see right now . . . like "look at how straight I can make my blanket all by myself."

As I watered the flowers outside of the kids' windows, I swear I saw them meet in the hallway and give each other a high-five. Delay Bedtime Mission - COMPLETE.


I realize you are probably scratching your heads about the title of this post. I will leave you with a clever quote from Kadin as he ate his breakfast this morning . . .

"Hey . . . this strawberry looks just like Mom's privates!"

This Weather Can . . .

Suck It!!

Seriously . . . Mother Nature is going to get a serious talking to if she doesn't shape up . . . and quick. I have a real hard time dealing with the fact that I spend all week in a small cubicle with scarcely a window in sight - meanwhile, outside the sun is shining . . . the sky is blue . . . it's easily in the 60's. Then comes the weekend and BAM . . . the sun disappears, the temperature plummets and the winds start to blow. That is wrong . . . on so many levels.

In the meantime, today was another soccer game that those poor kids spent freezing. I swear ever since Kadin has started soccer, we have spent every Saturday huddled under a blanket freezing watching him. I'm forced to bribe poor Bella with snacks because the minute I say the word "soccer" she thinks of her toes going numb and shivering . . . just wrong. So today is easily the coldest it's been since soccer began. I had three layers of clothes on Kadin including his winter hat and mittens and I had to drag out the winter coat for Bella . . . so wrong.

So I was trying to get the kids situated in the car, as it always seems I am taking everything but the kitchen sink with me whenever we go anywhere, and I struggled to get Bella buckled into her car seat. Let me just put a disclaimer out there before I proceed - I know car seats are there to keep my children safe when riding in the car . . . and I realize how important they are and would never take them anywhere without making sure they were securely fastened and safe. Until today . . .

So we obviously had already changed the tightness of Bella's car seat straps when - silly us - we actually thought spring was here and she wouldn't need her heavy winter coat anymore. So I was trying to shove her huge jacket under these straps that clearly were not loose enough to fit all of her under them. Then I remembered . . . oh yeah - there is a release that you can pull to get more slack out of the straps! Yup - just pull on that release, pull the straps and ta dah . . . except they don't work!!!! I pulled, pushed, wiggled, smacked . . . said a few naughty words under my breathe and nothing. Seriously . . . who designed these car seats?? Did they really think we would have the time to take the seat in & out of the car every time we wanted to change the stinking straps? Is it really necessary to need super-human strength to be able to move those damn things?!? And don't even get me started about getting the seats correctly in the car in the first place . . . all parents are doomed to fail.

So what did I do? No, I did not drive away without strapping Bella in her seat . . . what kind of mother do you think I am? I unzipped her coat and somehow got the straps around her body instead of the coat.

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So, the kids are outside playing with the neighbors. As I was picking up the table from lunch, I looked out to see Phillip standing by the bushes that separate our yard from his. He was watching the kids playing in our yard . . . knowing full well that he couldn't join them because as Kadin says "he is grounded from our yard" - after the gum smearing incident. I feel a bit guilty about the pleasure I felt inside as I watched him from the window . . . just standing there . . . wishing he could come over.

At lunch today Kadin said to me "Mom, maybe you could unground Phillip from our yard now." You know, he's probably right . . . I really should think about letting Phillip come over again . . . after all he is Kadin's friend . . . . . . . . . . . . . aaahhh . . . nope, it's just too nice not having that little demon around.

Catching Up . . .

Hello . . . . hello . . . hello?

I'm not sure if anyone is even checking this thing anymore! Yikes . . . did I just fall into a time warp or did I seriously lose several weeks?!?! Maybe if I set my expectations on myself really low, then I won't disappoint anyone . . . at least one post per week. If I can do more - GREAT - if not - NO BIG DEAL. Right? You still here?

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Kadin started soccer at the YMCA. So, if you're looking for something to do on Saturday mornings you can swing on over to the YMCA and catch 64 little rugrats running around the fields chasing after a black & white ball. It's actually pretty cute. Kadin's team is the Wizards and their record thus far is 1-1. He was visibly disappointed in his team after last weekend's game (their first loss). I tried giving him the old "it's doesn't matter if you win, what matters is if you've had fun" speech, but even at five he knows that is a load of crap. Who wants to play on a team that loses all the time?

At his first game Brian and I didn't really know what to expect. I mean come on . . . Kadin has never really played soccer before - and when he was asked to "dribble" at his first practice, he grabbed the ball and starting bouncing it like a basketball. We were pretty sure it was going to be a long season, but much to our surprise he does fairly well.

During his first game he was always one of the people near the ball and he almost scored several times. It wasn't until his second game that we started to realize the reason he was always around the ball was because he was pushing and pulling the other kids aside. Oops! C'mon . . . why didn't anyone tell him soccer wasn't a contact sport huh?

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So did you all have a great Mother's Day? Personally I think Mother's Day ranks up there with the other useless holidays like Valentine's Day, Grandparents Day and Father's Day, but who am I to say. I think someone from Hallmark was sitting around and made up these "holidays" so you would feel like you had to go out and buy cards . . .

I digress . . .

So I bet I can safely say that none of you got THESE beauties for Mother's Day . . . . .



Jealous??? I know, I know . . . right now you're wishing you all had a three-year-old with such exquisite taste and style. Let me tell you . . . after that girl opened these (because you already know that your child must open all of your cards and presents) she could not contain her excitement about how pink and frilly they were . . . and isn't she right?? It's like walking around the house wearing two Muppets on my feet! If only they had eyeballs on them . . .

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Since the warmer weather has started I find many things popping up around my yard . . . including the two neighbor kids almost every night I get home from work and every Saturday. Oh how I love summer . . .

Just when I think Phillip can do no more . . . he goes and outdoes himself. I'm starting to have some serious concerns that perhaps he is retarded or something - I just don't see normal children exhibiting this type of behavior.

What are the latest string of Phillipisms you ask? Oh . . . how much do I despise that little demon seed . . . let me count the ways . . .

1. Brian and I found footprints all over the hood of our car. When I asked Kadin if they were climbing on the car when they were playing in the garage, he said Phillip was.
   
2. He decided that instead of using the stairs to get off our front porch, it would be much more cool if he sprang his gangly nine-year-old body over the wooden railing.
   
3. He invented the game "bumper cars" which entails taking any object that is on wheels and hurling towards another object on wheels . . . sometimes with my three-year-old daughter riding in the seat of one such object with wheels.
4. Jimmy rigging the door closed to Bella's new playhouse so that when the little kids tried to open it . . . it would hopefully break.
5. He swung so high on the swings that the whole play set was hopping off the ground and the metal pieces were twisted in pain . . . after we had already told him not to swing so high.
6. He couldn't keep his gum inside his mouth, so after succeeding in getting it stuck all over his fingers he took it upon himself to use the whole side of my car as his napkin. This is my personal favorite . . .
   

All this in addition to his usual bossy, destructive, aggressive behavior that he exhibits on a regular basis. Seriously . . . what is wrong with this kid's parents??? We haven't even officially started summer and he's already banned from the house.

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Work still stinks. I spend most Monday mornings in bed trying to decide if I should just fake an illness and call in or face another week in that place. I've been trying really hard to not have a piss poor attitude, but when you really can't stand being somewhere . . . it just takes way too much effort to be happy, when the general feeling of pissiness comes so easily there.

There's this gal I used to work with that keeps telling me that she wants me to come and work for her . . . seriously Brandan - if you're reading this . . . make me an offer!!!

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There you go . . . I'm officially tired and out of things to say. How's that for catchin' you up?