When The Man Is A Woman

I know this has to happen to other parents. When your children are in that mood ... where you know you should probably just stay home, but you really want to get out and go somewhere. So you take your chances and pack them up and head to your favorite store or restaurant.

So we're eating out ... and the kids are a bit energetic. Actually, for once Kadin is being quite behaved, but Isabella is all fired up. So we are sitting and eating our dinner when Kadin asks ...

"Mom, is that a man or a woman?" As he points to the nice elderly couple sitting behind us.

It was obvious to me that there was clearly one man and one woman. Yes, the woman was a bit heavy with big bushy short gray hair ... but she was clearly a woman.

"Kadin - that is a woman."

"But which one is the woman?"

"The one sitting behind me is a woman."

Now keep in mind I'm trying to say this under my breathe because I don't want this poor man to hear that my son is questioning the gender of his wife - nor do I want the woman to hear that my son thinks she looks like a man.

"Where? I don't see a woman over there."

"Kadin - the one with the bushy hair ... she is the woman."

"Oh"

Now Kadin was actually doing a very good job of keeping his voice down (this coming from the kid that doesn't know how to whisper). But then there's Bella ... oh sweet, fired up Bella ... who loves to copy her brother says loudly ...

"Mom - is that a man or a woman over there?" pointing with her syrup-filled finger.

I must've shot her the look of death ... because with one quick shake of my head ... she stopped talking.

I wonder what age I'll be when small children start to question my gender ... I don't think I want to grow old.

We've Got The Pig Flu!!

Well, it's official ... we have been infected with the swine flu. GASP!! It kind of feels like we have the plague ... like our house should be covered in caution tape ... the windows boarded up and padlocks put on the doors. There really is a stigma associated with this illness ...

Bella came down with a cough on Sunday morning. I really didn't think much of it since what kid doesn't get a cough now and then right? Well, by Monday night she had a fever and her little cough had turned into this awful hack and she was wheezing when she breathed. I quickly called the doctor and they were able to get her in right away.

As I entered the doctor's office ... it was like entering a different world. All over people were wearing masks and when I check Bella in at the desk ... the woman told me that Bella needed to wear a mask in case she had the H1N1 virus. To be honest ... I took her there with the worry that maybe she had bronchitis or pneumonia ... I never dreamed she would have the swine flu ...

So I forced Bella to wear this mask (which she hated every second of) and we finally got into the little room to wait for the doctor. We probably waited almost 30 minutes when the doctor finally came in the room. Bella immediately started crying ... because the guy seriously looked like a space alien. He had on safety glasses ... a surgical mask ... and a blue covering over his clothes almost like a surgical gown.

I started to think perhaps I needed one of those mask things. I mean was this illness really that bad that everyone had to walk around wearing protective gear???

So the doctor did his routine exam - looked in her ears, listened to her lungs, looked in her mouth ... and then turns to me and says - "well, I'm pretty sure she has it."

Ummm .... gee .... could he be a bit more specific??? Has what???

"Has what?" I asked.

"The H1N1 virus. It's a very mild case, but I'm almost positive that's what she has."

I was floored. At that very moment my brain shut down. I had a million questions but couldn't think of a single one. I wanted to know what that meant ... was my baby going to die like that little boy in TN who was completely healthy one minute and dead the next??? Did Bella need to be quarantined? Was I supposed to go to work? Could Brian go to school? Did I need to tell Kadin's school that he'd been exposed to the swine flu???

AAAGGGGHHH!!! I drove home with my sick baby in total shock. (only after the doctor led us out a back door so we didn't go through the waiting room again - apparently another swine flu precaution??? Just weird if you ask me) The only thing I remembered the doctor saying was that Bella had to stay home until she no longer ran a fever for 24 hours and until her cough was almost gone. The rest was a blur ...

That was Monday night. Bella has been home the last two days, but I'm happy to report that she is on the mend. We've had no fever since yesterday and her cough has much improved. In fact, I think she really enjoyed having her mommy and daddy all to herself these last two days because Kadin had been staying with my parents (just in case). Tonight is the first night he's been home since Monday - and man did I miss that kid!!!

So, hopefully life here can get back to normal ... or at least as close to normal as possible.

My Kids Made Me Do It

I need a drink ... someone ... anyone ... pass me the adult beverages ... now.

Why do toddlers repeat themselves? Why? Is it that they are so engrossed in their environment that they pay no attention to you at all? Is it possible that their hearing is underdeveloped at this age?

My sweet Isabella ... drives me insane. She continuously repeats herself. Continuously repeats herself ... continuously. Get it? AAGGHHH!!! It's like being in the middle of that joke - "Who's on First?" except it's really not funny ... well maybe that joke isn't funny either .... oh - who the hell knows - my kid has turned my brain to mush!!!

I spent the ENTIRE day with my children. Alone. Whenever I do this ... it solidifies my insecurities about being a mother ... mainly that I shouldn't be one. Or, that I am totally awful at it! Brian always says things to me like "they're not that bad for me" or "maybe I just have more patience than you". Oh yeah???? Well suck it!!! Ahem ... You know what I think it is?? I think they hate me ... so when I am their only caregiver and Daddy isn't around ... they act out as part of their scheme to drive me into the psychiatric ward. "Bye-bye Mom" ... as they watch the patty wagon haul me away ...

We were at soccer this morning (where Kadin scored the last minute winning goal I might add - Woot, woot!) and we took both cars because Brian had to leave right from the game. So Bella was totally confused because we arrived to the game in the car, yet we were leaving in the truck.

"Mommy ... where's the car??"

"Daddy is taking the car so he can go to his football game."

"Why are we taking the truck?"

"Honey, I just told you ... Daddy is taking the car to the football game so we need to take the truck home."

"Where's Daddy?"

"Is-a-bella ... (giving her the evil don't-mess-with-me-anymore mother eyes)

"But where is he?"

"Are you serious? Bella ... I just told you three times that Daddy is going to his football game."

"But where's the car?"

This is the type of conversation I had ALL. DAY. LONG. I couldn't even make that up!! And she didn't do this to just me either ... I caught her doing it to Kadin too ...

Grandma - "Kadin, who is the little boy that Grandpa says you walk home with after school."

Kadin - "Guess."

Me - "Well, is he in your class?"

Kadin - "Yes."

Me - "Is it Parker?"

Kadin - "Nope"

Me - "Is is Isiah"

Kadin - "Nope"

Bella - "Is it Parker?"

Kadin - "No, I already said it wasn't Parker."

Me - "Well, that's all the boys I know from your class ... I'm going to need a hint."

Grandma - "Give us the first letter of his name."

Kadin - "It starts with the letter D"

Bella - "Is it Parker?"

Kadin - "NO!! You already asked that?"

Me - "Daniel?"

Bella - "Is it Parker?"

Kadin - "BELLA!!!! IT ISN'T PARKER!!!! NOW STOP ASKING ME THAT!!!!"

Grandma - "Is it Donovan?"

Kadin - "Ooh - you're close Grandma!"

Bella - "Is it Parker?"

Kadin & Me - "BELLA - STOP IT!!!"

I'm pretty sure Kadin wanted to sock her ... and to be honest ... I kind of did too. I'm fairly certain I remember Kadin doing this when he was Bella's age ... I just don't remember it being so annoying.

Did I already mention that I could us an adult beverage? Oh, I did ... maybe that's where she gets it from ...

Thoughts From My Chariot To Hell

I look at my life and think I'm pretty blessed. In fact ... when I really sit and think about it ... something that I don't often do ... I wonder why me? Why did God bless me with two healthy children when so many people have sick kids? Why did God pair me with a loving partner who does WAY more than his fair share ... when so many people are alone ... raising their children as single parents?

I feel like I should be down on my knees in prayer ... thanking the Lord for my every blessing. But do I? Sadly ... no ... at least not very often. And when I get to that place when I start to think about these things ... my mind starts to wonder ... when? When is the shoe going to drop ... when is my happily ever after going to come to a screeching halt? I can't be happy and content forever ...

There is a running joke that I'm on a chariot to Hell ... that I am the charioteer in fact. I am steering my own course straight to the depths of Hell ... why you ask??? Because in my life that is rich with God's blessings and love ... I sometimes think and do things like this ....

The neighbor girl's voice sounds like an alien. (I know ... and my kid touches himself, but we're not talking about Kadin right now) I catch myself actually making fun of her voice in my head when she is over playing princesses in Bella's room. It is screechy and loud and it has a funny pitch. I often wonder if it's something she will grow out of ... or if she's going to sound like that for her whole life. She is four.

Kadin comes home every day with projects he made at school. I quickly look at them and immediately want to throw them away. All I can think about is how I don't have enough room to possibly keep every little scribble and glittery piece of artwork. I hide them in the corner for a few days and eventually take them downstairs and shred them. Now before you think I'm a completely horrible mother - I do keep some things he makes ... gheesh!

I'm semi-convinced that Bella may have a learning disability. She's simply not that bright. She still talks in baby talk, eats crayons and when we ask her about her day she gives a blank stare like she can't understand what we're saying. I think she may have smacked her head one to many times during her developmental years ... she will be living with us until she's 40.

I hate Phillip the neighbor boy. Brian and I routinely make fun of him ... in particular ... ... ... no we pretty much make fun of everything about him. He looks like a goon and he continually tries to bribe the kids to come over to his yard since he is banned from ours. I enjoy seeing him watch the kids play from the hedge ... knowing that he can't participate ... and seeing how much fun the kids are having without him. Sometimes I will give the kids treats just so he can watch them eat it ... insert evil laugh here ... or I'll bring out something really fun just so he can watch them play with it.

Christina, Phillips sister, has a lazy eye. Her right eye looks in a completely different direction than her left eye. Living in the 21st Century ... I question why her parents didn't take her to a physician to have that corrected. When we first met her I was concerned that perhaps Kadin would stare at her ... or ask her what was wrong with her eye. I don't think he even notices ... I'm the one that has a problem with it ... I wonder if she can see in two different directions like a super hero? And when the sun is really bright I notice that she has to keep that eye closed ... like a pirate. I find myself saying "ARGHH ... me can't find me treasure" when I see her with her squinty eye. She is six.

Ok ... so, maybe I embellished a few things just a bit ... or did I?

The Day I Went To School And Regretted It

Last night was Parents' Night at Kadin's school. A night when parents could chat with their child's teacher and learn about what they do during the day ... the activities, the curriculum ... the whole deal. It was a night for parents only ... leave the kids at home and come and learn about how your child is learning. Sounded pretty cool ...

So Brian and I were planning to attend ... that is until Brian decided to get sick. I am in no way implying he got sick on purpose to miss this function ... I'm just tellin' it like it is, because frankly I'm a bit pissy today ... ahem ...

So ... I was flying solo on the Parents' Night ... it was just Parent Night for me. So I arrived at Kadin's classroom promptly at 5:30 and I was the first one there.

"Hi, am I the first one?"

"Yes ... come on in and have a seat."

I should have known that going to anything alone regarding school never works out well for me ... remember the incident with Kadin wailing in the hallway at the final parent outreach activity I attended? Don't remember that goodie ... go here.

So Kadin's teacher approaches me and I quickly realize that she already knows I am Kadin's mom. Not a good sign - not so sure.

"Umm ... I wanted to discuss something with you about Kadin."

Oh great ... it's only the third week of school and I'm already having this conversation??? Why did I show up to this thing???

"Oh ... sure. What is it?"

"Well, today Kadin was complaining that he was itchy." As she makes a scratching motion on her side. "So, I just thought you should know ... that he's been itching ... quite a bit"

"Oh ... ok." I have no clue what this woman is talking about. Itching ... what does he have a rash I don't know about ... is he allergic to something??? At this point I am utterly confused.

"I told Kadin that if he feels like he needs to itch himself ... then perhaps he should go to the restroom."

Hmmmm .... restroom for itching .... not really following this woman at all ...

"Normally when I see a student itching himself three times I make it a point to make sure the parent is aware that this is happening."

Alrighty ... itching ... restroom ... the light is finally turning on in the head ... yeah when she says "itching" what she really means is grabbing and when she made the motion on her side what she really should have done was grab her crotch ...

She was politely ... albeit awkwardly trying to tell me that my son obsessively grabs his junk during school. Awesome ... and the only reason I put two and two together is because he does this at home ... at the store ... at restaurants ... basically everywhere - so of course ... why wouldn't he do it at school. Awesome ...

How do you correct this behavior??? Seriously??? As Kadin's teacher and I continued to chat ... I was thinking to myself ... does she really think we didn't know he was doing this?? Like maybe at our house we all grab ourselves and this is where he picked it up?

Brian and I have tried everything we can think of ... we tried ignoring it ... we tried different kinds of underwear (the kid has more underwear than Brian and I combined!) ... I tried telling him that once he started school he couldn't do that in front of the other kids because it wasn't appropriate ... I tried telling him that people would always think he had to go potty. Absolutely NOTHING has worked.

In the meantime, Kadin's teacher continued to share her thoughts with me ... "Normally I would be more disturbed if I thought the child was playing with himself ... but I don't think that's the case here."

Yeah - great ... that makes this whole situation that much less humiliating for me ... thanks so much! What do you say to that?? Ummm ... really ... because I'm pretty sure he's just jacking off right there in your class ... OMG!!! If I could've fit under those damn little tables I would have crawled underneath and dug my way through the floor and out of that god-for-saken classroom ... but instead I calmly replied ...

"Oh no ... I don't think he's doing that at all ... I really think it's just a habit."

AAAGHHH!! Someone. Shoot. Me. Now.

I'm not sure I'll ever go back there ... I think next time Brian can brave it alone.

Julie's Wedding

So I promised some pictures ... and I didn't want to be lazy - HA!

First, let me say that it was a fabulous time! And if I'm being completely honest ... which I am ... then I will tell you that I was a bit skeptical about this wedding. It was so nontraditional that I was afraid it was going to loose some of the meaning and feeling of the day.

I could not have been more wrong! It was a simple, intimate ceremony that was full of love and laughs and completely awesome. Julie and Jake certainly captured every meaningful moment ... it was a bit nontraditional, yet every bit them and it just worked perfectly.

Thanks Julie and Jake ... for being in my life ... and being a part of my family. I love you both so much!

Here are some of my favorite photos ...






Look at those "gang" symbols - HA!

Bad Blogger ... Bad, Bad Blogger

So it is official ... I am officially a horrible blogger. I can sit here and make up excuses like - "well, we had a really busy summer" because we really did. But I would be lying if I was implying that I never got on the computer. In fact on most evenings ... I am on the computer - I have a slight addiction to Facebook.

Many evenings I come to this blog in fact ... open it up and sit and stare. I struggle to come up with anything of substance. My promise of one post a week ... yeah, good thing I'm not held to most of my promises!

So, this morning I was up at 7:00 (couldn't sleep) ... no kids in the house ... no work to get ready for ... and I thought it would be a good time to pound out a post.

Kadin has officially entered the world of full-time school. It is his second week and I'm pretty sure he is enjoying every minute. I asked him what his favorite thing about school is so far ... he told me it was the before school program. HA! I think he thoroughly enjoys being able to just play ... one of his favorite past times.

I was actually pretty proud of myself for dropping him off on that first day and not breaking down in tears. On the way to school I was telling Kadin how he is going to the same school that I went to when I was his age. I had one of those life coming full circle moments and as I was talking my voice began to quiver ... it was a bit emotional, but I kept it in check and didn't shed a single tear. My mom was waiting for us in front of the school to greet Kadin on his first day ... I watched him run down the sidewalk into her arms ... it was such a moment. I wish I would've had my camera to capture it in film ... but ... I'm a bad mother and totally forgot to take a single picture on his first day ... oops!

Kadin's little girl friends around here are going through Kadin-withdrawal. I came home for lunch yesterday and I was met with two little smiling faces at the door ... "Is Kadin home?" I felt horrible having to tell them that he was at school ... their little heads drooped down and they slowly walked back into their yard. It's nice to see his "energetic" behavior is missed ...

Bella seems to be adjusting well to life without her brother. I wondered what she would think considering they've been together almost everyday since she was born. Kadin will bring her treats from school ... one day it was half his bag of popcorn ... the next day it was a cookie. I can see how much he loves her ... I hope they are still that close when they are teenagers ...

Today my very best and dearest friend is getting married ... which is why I have no work to get ready for and no kids to force to brush their teeth! In roughly six hours I will be standing at Julie's side as she marries the love of her life ... pretty awesome stuff. Saying I can't wait is such an understatement ... I feel like I'm exploding inside!

So ... I am off to hop in the shower and make myself presentable for the big day ... lots of pictures to come ... if I'm not too lazy to post again!