The Princess And The Pea

Although Bella is not a princess and there really isn't a pea involved at all ... it just sounded catchier than the kid with a Pixo ...

I have spent the last several days with this killer sore throat ... like it hurts so bad I can't sleep sore throat. I almost didn't make it through work yesterday and my thought process was to just make it to lunch time so I could go home and maybe take an hour cat nap.

So I was met at the door by two incredibly enthusiastic children - that's a nice way of saying hyper as hell - that were beckoning me to go in the living room and to play with them. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and snooze for 45 minutes. I could tell from the expression on Brian's face that his whole day had been like this ... two incredibly "enthusiastic" children begging to be played with. Sigh ...

So I was scouring the kitchen for something to eat since my cat nap seemed completely out-of-the-question ... when Kadin requests my presence in the living room ...

"Mom ... come in here and look at this big mess Bella and I made."

"Oh buddy ... I really don't feel like looking at a big mess right now. I'm trying to find something to eat."

"Mom ... please. You've got to see this big mess."

So I shuffle myself over to the living room to see a good portion of my carpet covered in Pixos. Don't remember what Pixos are? They are these insanely small plastic beads that you make into little creations ... spray them with water and they stick together for life ... although they don't really stick together all that well unless they are sticking to mucous covered skin as we will soon find out ...

"That's great Kadin. Now why don't you work on picking those up?"

Grumble, grumble ... that was the extent of what I caught of Kadin's answer to my suggestion.

A few minutes later the microwave was humming with my leftover lunch quickly warming inside it. Over the hum I heard Kadin yell for me.

"MOM!! Bella just put a Pixo up her nose!!"

Aaah ... yes ... my darling little girl and her utter fixation with shoving things up her nose. Remember the plastic flower? How about the metal barrette? Piece of corn anyone??

By the utter grace of God himself I was secretly praying that Kadin was totally making this up to get a rise out of his sick and miserable mother. Alas ... as I rounded the corner I found Bella with the look only a puppy could give after they chewed the crotch out of your underpants ... she was Totally. Guilty.

"Bella ... did you put a Pixo up your nose???" Which I said in the closest thing to a yell I could muster through the pain.

A meek nod was all I got. She was busted ... and she knew it.

You see ... the unfortunate thing about Pixos are that when they become wet ... they get sticky. Since the inside of your nose is covered with snot ... it was a great place to adhere itself to. Great for the Pixo ... not so great for us. She had literally shoved that little thing so far up her nose that you could barely see the blue reflection in the light of the flashlight.

We had that girl blow her nose at least 20 times ... nothing. That thing would not budge. I was certain we were going to be taking our third trip to urgent care. I called the doctor ... the helpful nurse suggested that we try blowing her nose ... "Gee ... I hadn't thought of that!!!!" What in the hell did she think we'd been doing for the last half hour??? Did she think perhaps we tried picking it out with our GIANT fingers???

I was completely frustrated. They couldn't get us in for another two hours ... and that's when I noticed it ... the wheels in Brian's head were spinning so fast I could almost make out faint wisps of smoke emerging from his ears.

He started to disassemble a pen ... he got out the vacuum cleaner and continued to attached the empty pen casing to the smallest attachment we had with duct tape. Holy hell ... he was going to try and suck that Pixo from her nose with the vacuum cleaner!!

Poor Bella didn't know what to do ... she didn't know whether to be scared, interested, confused or shocked. Kadin just stood by with his mouth hanging open as Brian diligently turned on the vacuum and stuck the pen into Bella's tiny nostril.

As a mother (a paranoid one at that) it was almost too much for me to watch. I had to turn away ... yet some sick part of me had to look too. I watched him struggle to get the pen past her nostril because it kept sucking onto the sides of her nose ... it was quite the sight to behold.

Unfortunately the vacuum didn't suck out anything other than some boogers ... gross I know. That damned Pixo was still lodged up there. I was beginning to think our efforts were hopeless.
Brian told Bella to give it one last big blow ... and there it was ... one single blue Pixo neatly placed on the kleenex.

SUCCESS!!! The vacuum must have loosened the Pixos' sticky grip just enough for Bella to blow it out on her own. I called the doctor back to cancel our appointment ... the lady asked if we had decided to take her to urgent care instead.

"No ... we were able to get it out ourselves."

"WE USED THE VACUUM!!!" Kadin so graciously yelled behind me.

Social services is coming on Thursday ... HA!