I'm lucky ... right?

I'm lucky. I have a job that is flexible and allows me to spend each morning with my children. When I got my job at the Brewery last February ... I was pleasantly surprised that my boss actually suggested I take my kids to school every day. His wife was a teacher and he was always the one who stayed home with them and got them off to school ... so I think in a way he was psyched to allow someone else to be able to do it too.

I was excited. Excited about the money we would save not having them in a before-school program, excited to make them breakfast every morning. I wasn't excited about having to work until 6:00 each night, but I was willing to sacrifice and was hoping I would get used to it.

It is January. Since September I have been spending each morning with my children. I have gotten used to working until 6:00. I'm lucky ... right?

See, here is the problem. The mornings ... almost every morning ... is seriously the worst part of my day. By the time we are all in the car on the way to school, I am usually so mad at my kids that it is hard to mutter a "good bye" much less a "have a great day!". I want to slow down enough for them to make it out of the car safely ... then haul ass away from that curb to escape. I simply want to escape the whining ... the fighting ... the temper tantrums. It can be seriously horrible.

I feel like a terrible mother. Yesterday, I sent them both to their rooms because I couldn't handle the fact that I had to yell at them ALL THE TIME. I don't enjoy yelling at them, but it is the only thing I seem to do lately.

Yesterday was school spirit day. Kadin wanted to wear this special bracelet that had "Go Bobcats" on it. Keep in mind the kid has a McKinley Bobcats shirt he could wear, but of course he didn't want to wear that ... he wanted the little rubber bracelet. And, for the record, he never mentioned that it even was school spirit day until the morning of ... when we are pressed for time and he can't find the ... ahem ... bracelet.

Oh yes ... he could not find the bracelet. We have a 3,000 square foot house. Do you know how many places a rubber bracelet could be in a 3,000 square foot house? Well I can tell you where it wasn't ... on his closet knob, or in Bella's jewelry box ... or in his room ANYWHERE.

Luckily ... Bella also had a rubber Bobcat bracelet that we could actually find. YES, he could wear that one ... and she agreed to let him wear it ... even better! Or ... ?? NO. "I don't want to wear this one!!!! The letters are smeary!!!!" Oh ... of course ... the letters are smeary!!!! I mean what the heck was I thinking?

So it only makes sense then that the kid refused to get dressed. Instead he proceeded to whine and cry about how his whole day was ruined because he couldn't wear this rubber bracelet and then proceeded to accuse me of throwing the stupid thing away. Aaaah ... yes Kadin ... I purposely threw away your stinking bracelet in the hopes that one morning you would decide to actually wear it ... search frantically for it but never find it and make my life a living nightmare. Yup ... you got me.

I could not stand the whining anymore. Bella was having her own set of issues over a Packer shirt and my insane suggestion of putting a long sleeve shirt underneath it since we do live in Wisconsin and last time I checked ... it's freaking cold outside!!! So I sent them both to their rooms ... after I yelled at them.

Which brings me back full circle on my terrible parenting skills and the fact that I always am yelling at my kids. I imagine they don't like me ... heck I don't like me when I act like that. The thing is ... I have no idea what to do to make it better. It seems to me my children have zero understanding that in the morning we have a set amount of time and certain things that must get done. Those things don't include taking a half hour to look for a rubber bracelet or stripping down to your underwear pouting because I thought you would be too cold in short sleeves.

In case your wondering ... during his lockdown ... Kadin found his bracelet. It was in his room ... who knows where. I'm pretty sure he didn't even wear it to school.