Dear Bella,

I always wanted a baby girl.  I thought that I would know what a girl would need, or want since I was a baby girl once too.  I thought that I would instinctively know how to be a better mother to a girl ...  that I would somehow always know just what you would need.

I sometimes feel like you've been cheated.  What I thought would be great "girly" mothering instincts have turned out to be fumbling awkward moments at times.  Sometimes I find myself thinking that maybe I've let you down ... that perhaps I haven't been the best mom.

I'm not sure how I could adequately express how much I adore you Isabella.  It's like trying to describe a beautiful sunset to someone who is blind.  To truly appreciate the beauty of a sunset you have to experience it.  This holds true with my feelings for you.  One day when you are a mother yourself, perhaps you will truly appreciate my adoration of you.

When I look at you, I see me.  Not in your personality, but certainly in your physical appearance.  The way you look at six, is the same way I did when I was your age.  I love that!  I love that when people see you, they say you look like me.  It makes me feel like you belong to me ... like you were meant to be my daughter ... like it was truly God's plan.

Every day you make me proud.  Your first year of school has by far been one of my proudest moments.  The way you thrived in kindergarten and how you not only grew so much as a student, but also as a friend to your peers simply amazed me!  I seriously think your teacher secretly wished you were hers to take home!  The way she would talk about you made me so proud to say I was your mother.   

There are so many facets to your personality that make you so unique and special Isabella.  I love your artistic side.  I love the girl that will sit in her room and color and draw.  The thoughtful girl that will make pictures for everyone and take the extra time to put it in an envelope, sealed with love.  In fact just today I was the proud recipient of two puzzles and a coloring page.  Our refrigerator is filled with your masterpieces. 

I love that you will sit and write in your diary.  That you will ask how to spell every word so it is written correctly.  I love how you will make up the stories, but claim they are true when you read them out loud. (which I'm pretty sure you do just to annoy your brother!)  I love that you keep it tucked in your drawer under your bed and sometimes I'll find you drawing in there before you go to sleep at night.

You are my clumsy girl that even at six, still manages to fall out of her chair at dinner.  You have spilled your milk more times than I can count and each time we sit down at the table to eat, Reese circles under your chair to gobble up everything that you drop.  Although this drives me insane ... you would much rather eat with your fingers than bother with utensils, and when I think I can't take it anymore ... I hear your laughter as you banter with Kadin and the sound simply melts my heart.

It gets tough sometimes between you and I.  You are only six yet it feels like we bicker as if you were a teenager.  I worry about our relationship and how it will evolve as you grow.  I know we will not see eye-to-eye in every situation, but I never want you to doubt my love for you or how proud I am of you.  You will always be one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given in my life.

I Love You,

Mom