Juggling Guilt

There are just some days when I'm convinced that I'm a horrible parent. How is it that anyone in the world can be a parent - without any training or classes - no degree required. Not just anyone can be a doctor right? Heck no - because you are dealing with people's lives . . . . yet aren't we dealing with lives when we are parents?

I start to get overwhelmed when I think that every day I am shaping my child into the person he/she will become. So . . . every day when I screw up and make mistakes - because I do screw up every day . . . I am potentially planting a seed of future behavior or staking out a path that I don't want my child to travel. Who can live up to that??!! Is there really a parent out there that feels confident in what they are doing?? Anyone . . . .?

During my 4 1/2 years as a parent I've learned to accept the guilt. I am constantly juggling guilt. I never feel like I'm good enough for my kids or that I do the right things - and I constantly feel guilty about it. I think I read once that as a parent you should allow yourself one mistake a day. One mistake that you don't feel bad about - or wish you could do differently. Hmmm . . . that's all fine and good, but what if you make 6 mistakes each day . . . or 10 mistakes. Then what??

Lately I've felt like that mother. You know the one I'm talking about . . . the one who screams at her kids across the playground because she's too lazy to actually go over there and watch them. The one who takes her kids to the park and doesn't pack water or snacks and then yells at them when they complain that they're hungry and thirsty. The one that grabs them by the arm in the store and talks through clenched teeth so they don't lose it and start screaming right in front of everyone. The one who turns a blind eye when her kids are out of control simply because she's sick of dealing with the fighting and the yelling and the chaos. Now do you know the one I'm talking about?

When I look at my kids I see such potential for their futures . . . they are still so sweet and innocent. I just pray that all the stupid mistakes I make today don't screw that up . . .