My Emotional Day

So I knew going in that Kadin's first day of school would be harder on me than him. All morning I was dreading making the drive to Iola to drop my baby off to wander inside that big building without me by his side to guide him and keep him safe.

The first time I got teary . . . we were at the school, showing Kadin where he needed to go. It was this big room full of kids he didn't know . . . mostly older kids. He looked in the room and looked back at Brian and I and said "I don't want to go in there." I didn't blame him - so as Brian and I tried to figure out what to do with him . . . Kadin says he has to go potty. Brian takes him to the bathroom and as I'm standing in the hall waiting for him I realize that this is it. I am going to walk out of this school and leave Kadin in there.

As my mind is reeling . . . I look down the hall at the doors of the big room we had just come from and I see a small girl - maybe 1st or 2nd grade standing at the door. Her mother is leaning over her and very loudly telling her that she "has" to go in there and that she's old enough now where her mother "isn't going to walk her into school anymore." The little girl hangs her head and I turn away - unable to watch anymore as my eyes start to well up with tears. I would give anything to be able to walk Kadin in to school everyday - and here was this mother telling her frightened little girl that she didn't want to do it.

I wiped my eyes as Kadin emerged from the bathroom - ready to go to his classroom. Brian and I walked him down the hall and helped him put away his backpack. As we lead him into the room he saw the familiar face of his teacher who told him that he could go and play for a little bit before all the kids arrived. Well, this was all Kadin needed to hear - as Daddy said his goodbye's Kadin was off. I had to yell his name to get him to come back to me. As I hugged my little boy goodbye my second bout of tears came. I fought to keep my voice from cracking as I told Kadin to have fun and to make sure he told me all about his day when he got home.

I walked away from that school with a feeling I can't quite put into words. I was very excited that Kadin was starting a new journey and chapter in his young life - at the same time I was very sad that my boy had seemingly grown up so quickly.

When I got home from work tonight I asked Kadin about his day. He very enthusiastically told me that he learned how to swing across the monkey bars at "gym - no that's not what it was - oh yeah recess - that's what it's called mom - recess."